Mirror image

Is it really possible to treat someone else with the same level of respect as we give to ourselves? What about someone with low self-esteem who acts in self destructive ways – is it okay to treat other people with the same disrespect we treat ourselves?

Ramban 19:18

יקבל לב האדם שיאהוב את חברו כאהבתו את נפשו, ועוד שכבר בא רבי עקיבא ולמד חייך קודמין לחיי חבירך. כי פעמים שיאהב אדם את רעהו בדברים ידועים להטיבו בעושר ולא בחכמה וכיוצא בזה, ואם יהיה אוהבו בכל יחפוץ שיזכה רעהו האהוב לו בעושר ובנכסים וכבוד ובדעת ובחכמה, ולא שישווה אליו אבל יהיה חפץ בלבו לעולם שיהיה הוא יותר ממנו בכל טובה, ויצווה הכתוב שלא תהיה פחיתות הקנאה הזאת בלבו, אבל יאהב ברבות הטובה לחברו כאשר אדם עושה לנפשו ולא יתן שיעורין באהבה.

The reason behind, "be-loving to your neighbor like yourself" is in fact an exaggeration for no human's heart can accept loving one's fellow as one loves one's own soul, and furthermore Rabbi Akiva already learned that "your life comes before the life of your friend."

 

For sometimes one loves his neighbor with the things that are known to enhance his material happiness, but not with wisdom, and qualities that are similar to it. If, however, he loves him and wishes him well with everything he desires...while not comparing himself to his friend...For there should not be this kind of petty jealousy, as the pasuk commands, "like one does for one's self," and thus he should not make limits to his love.

It is impossible to view another human being as equal to yourself, and this is not what is being asked of us. Rather, we should not compare ourselves to others, because that only leads to jealousy. We should want others to have whatever they want, even if it is different from what we want for ourselves. This commandment is about respecting others even in their differences, without jealousy or hatred.